last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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