oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
