i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Randomize
