i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
