Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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