yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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