guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
