what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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