OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
