Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
