WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
