just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
