why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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