why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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