bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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