1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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