Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
