My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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