I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
