you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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