It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
