Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
