final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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