I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
