I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
