absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
