His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
