He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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