fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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