I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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