Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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