Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
