The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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