My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
