Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
