What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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