Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
