: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Randomize
