So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i wish my penis had a tongue
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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