I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
