Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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