he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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