Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
