Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
