i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
