I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
