how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
