i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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