I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
