the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
