So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
