If that was your dad, he is hot
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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