Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
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Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
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Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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