I wish life had little blips of pornography
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
false alarm, still single
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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