he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
