so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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