Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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