I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
