I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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