So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
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