the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
