Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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