Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
