He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
