so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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