Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
