Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
