He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
