Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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