Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
