Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
