The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
