You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
