how can u be prego again
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
