I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
