I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
