Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
