I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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