I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
i out mim tonsoeep
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
