Can i not drive my cunt home
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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