They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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