I can't watch pbs sober anymore
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
